Bewildered Cry

OH MY FATHER!!!

Please, I don't want this!! I don't know what to do anymore. I'm at the end. Please, if I can't stay in the light then smite me and destroy me. I'm too weak and I'm not good enough. How am I ever going to just get rid of my Enemy?!

If I have failed you now, even after last time, then I know that I am doomed to always fail you. How...I can never ever come back. I'll never be good enough. After everything I've done, I can't come back. Why would you take me back? I'm evil, and I rebel openly against you. I disobey you and I don't give a darn. I spit in Your Face, and in the face of Christ. How can He save me yet again?


...Why would He want to save me again? For I will fail You.

Night of Fate

NOTE: Title comes from a score piece from the Kingdom Hearts soundtrack. If you've played the game then you know exactly what that means, since it has a completely different meaning on the outside.

The whole night was basically a huge battle against me. Mostly I was taking it out on my body by doing push-ups and working out and what not. I've never overworked myself so hard. I think my back teeth imprinted each other because I clenched my teeth so hard so many times.

But I looked at my selves right in their faces. I took on several different forms of my darkness. The first was pretty much Agent Smith from The Matrix Trilogy. And for those of you who are wondering because you've seen it, the answer is yes I did battle Smithes. Or Smiths. Or Smithies, whatever you wanna call it. Agent Smith came to represent the different sides I have, the different people I've invented in my heart and the fake me's. I haven't destroyed them all, but I took out a pretty good number.

Also present was the Green Goblin from Spider-Man. The Green Goblin has always been for me the broken insane pieces of my mind. I've done that to myself through years of self abuse, and only I could destroy the Goblin. I destroyed him before, this would be probably the third time. But I'm sure I've stayed him for much longer this time.

Next was NeoShadow Heartless, which are creatures featured in Kingdom Hearts II. Since they're kind of an upgrade from normal Shadow Heartless, these Heartless came to be the next level of temptations for me, since that's what the original Heartless shadows were to me anyway.

The last three were the most difficult. There was one recurring version of me that switched from me dressed as a member of the Organization from Kingdom Hearts: Chain of Memories, and Darth Maul from Star Wars: The Phantom Menace. This kinda came in and out representing what I've become. The next was Sephiroth from Final Fantasy VII. It's much too complicated to try and explain what he represented. Pride could be one thing. And last but definitly not least was Ansem, the king-gone-bad sage from Kingdom Hearts. He was pretty much the overall darkness.

After all that, I can say some Smiths are still hanging around. The Goblin is either dead for good or will be gone for quite some time. There are always going to be Heartless, but I think that NeoShadows will think twice next time around. Sephiroth is supposed to be dead, but I think that someone will find a way to bring him back to life.

And as for Ansem...well, you can read about that in "Confessions".

Into The Oblivion

Okay, I've just finished wiping the blood off my hands
And then I stuck them back into myself
Well, as long as I'm inside myself,
Here I go screaming my lungs out
Deep dive head first into my mind
Eternal sunshine
May never shine here again
For I am covered in the blood spots
From the sprayed carnage of my destruction
The things I do make me sick and happy
I wonder which one will give first?
As long as I'm in this place,
Here I go into a beautiful oblivion
So I can tell myself I'm through with you.
I wonder which one will die first?

Reverse/Rebirth

Submit!
I will never.
You must, you know that you cannot go back.
I'll never give in!! Not after...
Why do you resist? Are you afraid?
I'm too ashamed. I never want to go back to you again
You are empty. You have nowhere else to go.

No. That's not true. The King will come for me.

Hah! A vain hope. Why will he come for you? You've spat in his face.
I didn't!
Yes, you did. Your hands are no cleaner than the ones that killed him.
I didn't...I didn't mean to...
Oh, please. Of course you meant to.
He told me that the light will never give up on me. And I believe him.
Your heart is empty. That is why you are forgetting. Because your memories are empty.
I'm not empty anymore!!
Of course you are. There is no one in your memories because they are all gone.
I want to see my friends.
And yet you can't even remember your best friend's face?
I...no...
Then what makes you think you'll ever remember the King?
Because. He said...he said he wouldn't leave me. That he'd always be there for me.



What? What's that...a voice....

It is a shimmer. The light from a memory. It's old and faded, but it's still there. It is the memory beyond. It exists just on the other side.

The other side of what?

The other side of your heart.

There is another side of my heart?

Yes. It's where you remember who you were. If you just believe, you can remember.

...How?

Just because you can't remember something doesn't mean it's gone. It's as if it's sleeping. All it takes is something to trigger it. A truth. That truth will resonate with light. Then it will awaken the memory beyond.

And I should follow that light?

Exactly. A new beginning is calling. Follow the memory. It is what makes you sure that the King is coming for you. Follow it, and that memory will lead to another. And then another. Memories are linked like a chain, and that chain is what holds us all together.

All of us? Us who?

Ohana. Ohana means family. Family means nobody gets left behind, or forgotten.